Cardio Kickboxing - When Instructors Attack (December 13, 2014)

So, after returning from Africa, I was kind of playing catch-up.  I didn't have a lot of time to seek out anything too strange for lucky week 13. I opted for cardio kickboxing at my gym on the lovely morning of 12/13/14.  Of note, December 13 was my husband's 30th birthday.  I don't have any pictures from my workout, so I have just included some from his birthday.  I assume looking at pictures that don't make sense is better than looking at no pictures at all.

I was very excited when I got to the cardio kickboxing class.  There were a ton of people.  A crowded class can be annoying, but it is often a sign of a good class.  I counted over 50 people.  The variety was also something to behold.  The Zumba instructor from the class before stuck around.  I couldn't begin to guess her age.  She looked like a Real Housewife of Somewhere who just got done a fresh touch-up under the knife.  There was the guy who kept wandering in and out of the class in jeans, a t-shirt and a zip up fleece vest.  Next to the Zumba instructor, he was clearly the next best one to watch.  There was also a healthy mix of men and women, and people of all ages, shapes and sizes.  The room was very large, so it actually accommodated everyone, which was a nice surprise.  The aerobic room is located next to the pool, and the wall between the pool and the aerobics room is actually a window.  This provided another "participant" of sorts - an old man who sat in the pool and watched the class.  At first, I thought this was creepy, but as the class went along, I could see why he wanted to watch the show.  I guess it didn't make him less creepy, but at least it sort of validated his creepy.

The instructor was in fantastic shape.  I have a suspicion she is current or former military because in addition to be in fantastic shape, she gave her instructions like a drill sergeant.  She also started yelling "It will either be you or the enemy."  Me or the enemy? What? When? I am just trying to do some air punches to burn off birthday cake.  No enemy here (well, I guess the birthday cake).  This statement was followed by "your muscles will remember these moves so your natural reflex becomes to destroy the enemy."  In my head I thought, okay, the screaming about the enemy seems a bit aggressive, but the workout is great so far.

Sometimes in kickboxing, the instructors will walk around with a glove on their hand and encourage the students to punch the glove.  The instructor of this class decided to walked around and let people punch her palm.  I have never seen this.  No padding, just attack her hand.

Class rolled on.  At one point, she determined that our kicks were not adequate.  She yelled, "He is going to grab your leg, flip you over, and you are going to end up on the 5 o'clock news."  The room filled with some of the most nervous/awkward laughter that I have ever heard.  We are about two-thirds of the way through the class at this point.  The instructor decided that we needed to know just how we were going to get attacked.  She grabbed the head of a girl in the row in front of me and told the girl to try and punch her because otherwise her neck would get snapped.  I moved farther back in the room,

The instructor then moved on to a gentleman in the class.  We were doing burpees at this point, and she started grabbing for his knees to throw him on his back.  She succeeded.  She said that was to demonstrate the importance of the burpee.   I didn't really need to know the purpose.  I was happy just to blindly comply with the instruction.  In case you don't know, this is a burpee: http://www.wikihow.com/Do-a-Burpee  Thanks, WikiHow.

The instructor also ran to the corner of the room at one point to demonstrate how to punch out of a corner for "when the enemy has you trapped in a confined space."

Other than being frightening, the class was a great workout.  The name absolutely captured the class - there was a solid amount of cardio, kicking and boxing.  Additionally, I learned how I am supposed to kick a car door into someone if they are coming at me in my car, and I also learned how to smash a skull and snap a neck.  I absolutely appreciate that the instructor is trying to make women more safe and strong.  I think that is a fantastic goal; however, I would probably save some of her more aggressive commentary, such as how I am going to make it on the news due to my pathetic kicks, for an actual self defense class.

It was not the workout that I was expecting nestled between my morning latte and my Target run.  I will probably go back...because otherwise she might yell at me.