Fast forward to last Friday. I had a week full of learning experiences between knitting class and nutrition education class, so it was time to complete the educational trifecta and learn how to pole dance. My sweet friends Nicole and Liz were willing to join me.
The Pole Pressure studio is in the Huntington area of Alexandria, next to a pizza shop. At first glance, the place is terrifying, and it also smells like glitter; however, the girls who work there are fantastic.
We enter the "classroom" and there is a chair in front of each pole.
The class opened with chair exercises. This was tougher than expected. The warm up involves a lot of triceps dips and hip thrusts on the chair, which were performed hanging off the chair in a position that resembles bridge in yoga. Interestingly, many of the moves resembled yoga moves. The catch is that you have to be "sexy" the entire time. The instructor pointed out that even our side leg lifts had to be sexy. That is what made it pole dancing - the "sexy" (and I suspect, the pole).
Being "sexy" while exercising is quite challenging. At one point, we were instructed to lay with our back across our chair and kick our legs in the air. To me, this was an alarming exercise because I have no balancing skills. I got into a corpse position across the chair with one hand on the floor, trying desperately not to fall off (super sexy). All that said, the muscles were working.
After the chair, we move to the floor for something called "body rolls." Liz and I both made inaudible noises that were combination squeals laughter and fear. The body roll is kind of a slithering motion where your ass stays in the air until the very end, while everything else lowers in a crawling fashion. The reverse body roll still begins with your ass in the air, and you roll up from your on-ground slithering position. Nicole took a pole dancing lesson for her sister's bachelorette party (allegedly this is where she acquired these skills), and is pretty flexible (her husband is a lucky man), so comparatively, she looked like an old pro. I was just a mess, but that was okay. The instructor offered us some profound words, "when all else fails, lead with your butt." I swear, Aristotle never provided society with a wiser nugget.Finallly, we moved to the pole. First, we were instructed to wipe down our respective pole with alcohol, which was a little concerning because we assumed it was already clean. However, there was some comfort to doing it ourselves. We doused the our poles until it smelled like we were dancing in a nail polish bottle.
We started with learning how to "strut" around the pole, which is the only skill I mastered (kudos to me, I can walk in a circle). You hold the pole very high with the dominant hand. Given the length of my gangly arms, I was halfway to the ceiling. Then you put your inside foot against the pole and pop out your hips. This angle provides momentum while you strut around your pole. The instructor explained how to do this so that you didn't throw out your shoulder. I clearly failed to understand her instructions. My shoulder currently feels like it needs a cortisone shot.
Next were the actual pole spins. "Level 2 Pole," as it is called. The instructor tried to teach us to do a "catch spin." Nicole thought the instructor said "cash spin," because the spin would earn all the money. Totally logical assumption, but the instructor said that it was actually catch spin because one of your legs caught the pole while the other one spun around, and you sexily glided to the floor while twisting around the pole. Nothing that I just explained actually happened in my case. I liked to give a running leap, which resulted in a fast spin and a fall. The instructor thought it was entertaining to watch our attempts, so that counted for something. She probably gets a good laugh at this introductory lesson every Friday night. She again gave us her wise words, "even if you fall down the pole, just whip your hair, and then get back up...leading with the butt." I also purchased that awesome shredded pole dancing shirt you see below. They sold tops and shoes in the studio, so at least I could look the part while flailing and falling.
The instructor explained that she got into pole dancing to lose weight. I have no idea if she lost weight. She did not go into details. I do know that she seemed healthy, happy, and strong as hell. At the end of class she demonstrated some "Level 3 Pole." This involved her climbing up the pole, hanging upside down, spreading her legs, and then essentially crawling back down using one arm and her inner thigh. I actually don't know how gravity permitted what my eyes witnessed. It may have been an optical illusion - the classroom had lots of mirrors. Here is a link with the estimated pole dancing calorie burn: http://www.livestrong.com/article/296144-calories-burned-in-an-aerobic-pole-dance-class/
I know I have mentioned this a time or two, but I seriously have the best friends in the world. I have to pinch myself daily because I can't believe that I am so lucky. Case in point, Nicole and Liz drove, after a long work week, out to a building in Alexandria, which at first glance, looked like a place where strippers would get murdered, and then they took this class. Everyone was asked at the beginning of the class why they were there, and Nicole and Liz just pointed at me. Those girls are true friends.
Following our pole dancing, we went out for pizza and wine (because why workout if you aren't going to negate progress with some more fun life choices). When the check came, I realized that my wallet had fallen out in my car, which is a black hole that I may discuss that another time. I had an old wallet in my purse (no clue why), which happened to have a debit card inside, so I yanked out the card and threw it on the table. The waiter came back and informed me that my card expired three years ago. Not only that, the bank didn't exist, and he recommended that I sell the card on Ebay as a relic, or at least announce my stupidity on Twitter. Thanks, bro (I guess he knew I wasn't tipping, so there was nothing to lose). Liz and Nicole covered my meal. So not only did they pole dance (poor Liz was afraid to adjust her contact afterwards because she wasn't sure what kinds of bodily fluids were still on her hands), but they also spotted me for dinner. I am ridiculously lucky. Thank you, Nicole and Liz.
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P.S. I'm typing this in Barnes and Noble, which makes me feel super college. I'm uncomfortably close to a pregnant woman reading diagrams about birthing. She keeps giving me funny looks. I hope she likes looking at blown up pictures of stripper heels (available for purchase at your local Pole Pressure). To my right is a man pressing hard for a date with a woman who also appears to be interviewing him for a job. He clearly has a "go big or go home" attitude. I love public places.
