This week, my coworker and friend, Georgeann, was willing to go on another fitness escapade with me. I included a picture of her on the right when we were out in Arlington a few weeks ago since I took no Battle Roping photos of us. While we were out, I learned she basically knows all of Arlington...like everyone. Usually on Fridays my coworkers and I go somewhere for lunch, eat too much, and come back to the office comatose. I asked Georgeann if she would be willing to do Powerwave Battle Roping during our Friday lunch hour as a change of pace, and because she is fantastic, she obliged. This was all the more impressive because when she asked me what Powerwave Battle Roping was, I had no fucking clue. I have come to the conclusion that half the fun in these new workouts is the element of surprise! Not reading the class description also left us a few days to speculate what the class would entail, which was also entertaining. One of our coworkers opined that it would be a ton of double dutch jump roping. Georgeann speculated that it could be some type of stretchy yoga thing with bands. Friday came, and it was time to find out what we were in for.
This is the Crunch Fitness website description of Powerwave Battle Roping: Get ready for battle with this hard-core, sweat-fest utilizing the toughest fitness equipment around. This Battle Ropes class combines strength and explosiveness to activate and integrate all the major muscle groups for a complete and total body workout with an emphasis on core stability. Get ready to make some serious waves!
We will get to what the class actually entailed momentarily, but I have to give you a side story. I went online after the class to read the description. We took the class at Crunch Fitness, which I knew had a fairly diverse class selection, but holy shit...check this out: https://www.crunch.com/classes/class-descriptions/ This place could keep me busy for years. The options are ridiculous. Two that really caught my eye (but there were so many) were:
WHIPPED: 50 SHADES OF FITNESS
Join us for 50 Shades of fitness in ‘Whipped,’ a class taught by a Dominatrix in black leather boots that will WHIP you into shape! Begin this class of pleasure and pain with a warm up, then it’s time to bring out the toys as participants grab body bars, hand weights and steps to be used in the workout ahead. This punishment builds muscular endurance and strength, and helps harness one’s balance and coordination. A little S & M never hurt anyone - - sweat and muscle that is!
LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF
This unique barefoot training class combines comedy routines and fitness routines to make you laugh your ass off – literally! Led by a seasoned comedian, current events and fitness humor are provided to entertain you as you laugh your way through a series of exercises designed to burn calories and tone your booty.
Crunch will provide comedians or a dominatrix to work you out. Who is thinking of these classes? Crunch definitely deserves kudos for creativity, but anyhow, on to Battle Ropes.
We entered the gym and let the people at the front desk know we were there to attend battle ropes. The people at the front smile at each other and say, "Oh, "X" is teaching that today. You are in for a treat." First, I am leaving out her real name because I'm sure she is a lovely woman. Second, when someone says you are "in for a treat" and shoots a knowing glance to the person next to them, know that you're fucked.
We will call the instructor Jane. If you can envision a kindergarten teacher on a cocktail of cocaine and steroids, that is Jane. She had a wide grin and unmistakable crazy eyes. She yelled a lot... and she kept turning up the music... and then yelling louder.
Battle Ropes involved circuit training, which usually means there are a few stations consisting of different exercises. For example, you might jump rope at one station, squat at another station, etc., and this combination of exercises is called a circuit. You do each exercise for 30 seconds or 60 seconds, trying to fit in as many repetitions as possible in the time frame, and then move to the next exercise station in the circuit. I hope that made sense. If not, I know Google is pretty articulate. Usually, I have seen 6 to 8 exercise stations in a circuit. Jane made 12 stations.
One was jump roping, but not double dutch. Two other stations used the weighted ropes pictured to the right for various exercises. There was a lunge while overhead pressing a kettle bell station, a squat station, etc. However, Jane really went off the rails when she created a station that involved going down into a burpee, alternating rowing arms with hand weights, returning up to a clean and press and finishing with a squat and overhead press. That is not one station to any normal person. That could be three stations. In 30 seconds, you can get through that collection of moves roughly 3 times, and it is annoying. Georgeann eventually boycotted this station, and rightfully so.
To be fair, aside from the one absurd exercise station, Jane's circuit was awesome. Georgeann and I felt the burn (how could you not going through that many stations 4 times!). Jane was also very attentive to everyone at each station. She diligently corrected form and walked individuals through exercises again if they forgot what they were supposed to be doing...which was easy with that many stations, one of which had 5 million components.
Jane made one of the best workout mixes that I have ever heard. It opened with David Guetta's Dangerous. This seemed promising to myself and Georgeann. There was some old Offspring, Katy Perry, Missy Elliot (I guess Jane had some Super Bowl inspiration), The Killers. and even Walk the Moon (Shut Up and Dance is a kick ass workout song). For all her aggressive screaming of super positive and encouraging things (a very weird combination), Jane did her job. She was indeed a "treat."
I would absolutely Battle Rope again. I would also join a Crunch gym if there wasn't a closer gym to both my home and office (sorry, Crunch). That class selection is insane. I don't need to get whipped or hear a stand-up routine when I exercise, but my goodness, isn't it nice to have that option? If you are a Crunch member and haven't tried it, please give Battle Ropes a shot.
Side note - I am an Eagles' fan, which oftentimes terrifies or disgusts people; however, the Eagles weren't in the Super Bowl, so I had to spend last week focusing on Marshawn Lynch (even though Pete Carroll apparently forgot to do the same). In the spirit of Marshawn, I purchased two BeastMode shirts, which I will be rocking in future workouts. I am pretty excited.
