Pure Barre - The robots are so fast and so strong! (January 17, 2015)

People always say that Cross Fit is a bit of a cult (sorry, Cross Fit), but I think that Pure Barre enthusiasts are right up there on the "obsessed with their workout" list.   I don't say this in a disparaging way.  I think it is awesome when people get into their workout of choice.  If I had any sort of attention span, I would like to think that I could get into, and master, a specific workout; however, as this blog establishes, that is not my style. Pure Barre has quite the loyal following, so I should have anticipated a pretty intense workout.... I have taken barre classes in the past, but nothing could have prepared me for the pace of Pure Barre.  I tip my hat.

There are some Pure Barre rules. You must wear appropriate athletic attire (there is plenty of Pure Barre swag to purchase in the studio in case you are unsure of what is appropriate).  Additionally, you must have socks.  I tried buying some barre socks a few years ago for general barre classes, but I accidentally purchased "New Mommy" socks.  That got my mother-in-law way too excited.  I have never birthed anything, so I do not wear my fraud socks.  I rolled into Pure Barre in regular gym socks - rookie move.

 It seems the sassier the socks, the more you know the gal isn't fucking around (I say gal because there were no men in my class). For example, some of the obvious regulars had socks with grips on the bottoms, a few had those socks with individual toe holes (there is no way that is comfortable), and one woman had new-age socks that were cut like some kind of foot bikini.  Needless to say, foot bikini girl was pretty damn toned.  I am sure the girls saw my socks and knew amateur hour was walking in the door.

The workout requires a set of light weights (I used two pounds), a ball that is roughly 5 inches, and a red resistance band.    Pure Barre focuses on your arms, legs, abs, and "seat," which is their dainty way of saying your ass.

The workout starts off with lifting high knees at a rapid pace for ten counts.  I thought to myself, "this isn't so bad."  Things got rapidly more aggressive from there.  First, we picked up small weights and started doing all sorts of small muscle contractions, such as small bicep curls, while still stepping.

The instructor eventually told us to drop to the ground, and we immediately began a 90-second plank, with variations such as single arm lifts with the weight while planking.  Of note, in other workouts, usually the move to the ground is an opportunity to collect yourself.  Not in Pure Barre.  You have to keep moving. all. the. time.

Interestingly, the floor in the room is carpet.  You need socks with grips so that you don't slide around during the plank.  No matter what kind of game face I tried to maintain, the novice socks were making me face plant.  I wanted to yell at the super-sock army of toned chicks that I really could do a 90-second plank!  Do not judge me by my failing foot apparel.

We eventually moved (quickly, of course) to a ballet bar on the wall.  You are supposed to squat down six to eight inches, and put the ball in between your thighs.  Then, you are instructed to tuck, which is essentially thrusting your pelvis forward, or in whatever direction you are instructed.  Your "seat" and your inner thighs burn so much.  Upbeat club-ish music is playing during the class. Between the pelvis thrusting, the club music, and the new foreign object squeezed between the legs, I felt like the thigh part of the workout had more in common with a basement frat party than ballet, but what do I know?

Eventually, we went back to the center of the room (fast as shit of course - how are these girls transitioning at this pace), and we do more "tucking" and a serious abdominal workout.

We periodically used the red resistance band to stretch...for like 5 seconds...then more moving.  Always more moving.

Everything burned - my "seat," my arms, weird muscles that I did not know existed, and everything in between.  I felt the workout for days, which is exactly what you want in a workout.  Excuse my Mellencamp,  but it hurt so good.

I got a follow-up call from Pure Barre the next morning.  It was kind of like that call after a first date that you're not sure about.  You tell them you had a great time, and admittedly, it was cool and different, but you don't know if you're ready to commit.

Pure Barre also followed up with me by sending a postcard.  I am 80 inside, so I love receiving mail.  Pure Barre scored major points with this move.  I included the postcard picture so that you could  understand where the title of this post comes from.  Look at those faces and those arms. So strong. So fast.  The only explanation for being so strong, fast, and serious - robots.

I did purchase an introductory 30-day deal because the introductory package is offered at a discounted rate for new participants.  Much like the dating world, persistence paid off for Pure Barre.

 I will not go past the 30-day discounted trial.  The workout is too expensive for something that I will not do everyday.  However, I do think it could be awesome for getting toned very quickly.  They do a program for brides, and I can see Pure Barre being a brilliant workout for a bride preparing for her wedding.

After my recent holiday festivities (by festivities, I clearly mean wine and baked goods), I think the 30-day unlimited is worth the investment.  I want Pure Barre to kick my ass.  I will also invest in some socks with grips... that don't tell lies about my life.  I must show the robots that I can plank.

Body Pump with Kamesha - She warned me she was bringing her game face (January 8, 2015)

Everyone says it is a small world, but I think that is a gross understatement.  The world is basically a tiny nugget.  Just ask that former coworker you hated that is now dating your cousin, or that weird guy you went on one date with three years ago who now works three cubicles away from you.  I am not sure if it is due to overcrowding or the internet, but the degrees of separation have dwindled down to roughly two (sorry, Kevin Bacon). This small world is how I ended up in Kamesha's Body Pump class.

In 2009, I was too old to be going on spring break, but too young to realize that was the case. Luckily, I had some good company.  Myself and a few other fine gals decided to go on a cruise to the Bahamas.  My friend Marisa brought her friend Kamesha.

The first day on the ship, I was on the elevator with my friend Gabby.  I noticed two kids wearing JMU t-shirts.  I, being friendly, said hello and mentioned that I went to JMU.  They asked when I graduated, and I told them.  One kid turned to his friend and said "dude, we were in middle school."  He was attempting to whisper, but he was drunk, so it was more likely a voice-crackling bellow.  My friend Gabby just looked at him and said, "you realize that we can hear you?"  Anyhow, that is when I learned I was too old for spring break (in other small world news, that whisper failing kid went on to marry my dear friend's youngest sister...seriously world...grow a little).

Despite being old enough to babysit the rest of the ship, the trip was a good time.  Like most random people you spring break with, Kamesha and I became Facebook friends, and we passed along like ships in the night.  At that time, I lived in Williamsburg, Virginia, and she lived somewhere in Maryland.

Fast forward a few years.  I am not sure who was Facebook stalking who, but I think it had something to do with Kristin's wedding picture on Facebook.  Either my friend Kristin, who lives in Rockville, mentioned that she thought I knew her fitness instructor, or maybe Kamesha messaged me asking if I knew her student.  I can't remember at this point, but either way, Kristin, my dear friend from middle school, was taking Kamesha's fitness classes at Gold's Gym (apparently, Kamesha had become a fitness instructor since we did our cruising).  They became friendly, and everyone kind of reconnected.

Now that you've had your history lesson, I will get into Body Pump.  I have wanted to take a class with Kamesha for quite some time, so I was very excited to take her Thursday evening Body Pump class.   Kristin was wonderful enough to let me be her guest at the Rockville Gold's Gym.

I walk into the gym, and I see Kristin and another instructor, Jody. Jody informs me that Kamesha is a terrifying instructor.  That made me a little nervous.  I have seen Kamesha's arms.  I knew she didn't get that strong screwing around, but I hoped that her muscle was not from crushing her students.

Kamesha was teaching a Les Mills Body Pump class. I love Les Mills classes. Les Mills always hires awesome instructors (like Kamesha), and the classes provide a regimented and efficient workout.  They also change up their routines every few weeks so that you don't get bored. Here is the description of Body Pump:  http://www.lesmills.com/workouts/fitness-classes/bodypump/

Kamesha told me before class that she was bringing her game face.  I suspect that she brings her game face every day.   Her class was packed wall-to-wall on a snowy day.  People were out in Arctic temperatures to work out with her!  You know you are a great instructor when people will drag themselves out after a long workday in the cold and darkness.  We grabbed our tools: a step, a weight lifting bar, a mat and some weight plates.  Time to get started!

I was confident that Kamesha would kick my ass, but I had no idea she would kick it so hard.  After chest presses and push-ups (so. many. push ups.), my chest was literally shaking, which was also impressive in itself because there is very little chest to shake.  In addition chest presses, we worked a little bit of everything else.  We did clean and presses, dead lifts, lunges, squats, etc.  Kamesha both worked out with us and talked us through the various exercises in great detail.  This helped us maintain appropriate form, which always makes for a better workout. Kamesha also intermittently sang her pretty stellar play list. She was only slightly scary, and only in that perfect instructor kind of way.  She wasn't so scary that you felt discouraged or intimidated.  She was just scary enough that you didn't want to disappoint her.  I am sure this perfect balance is one of the reasons that she has such a loyal following.

Of note, Kristin was on the other side of me banging out push-ups, and not on your knees push-ups like myself, like body builder push-ups.  Seriously, Kristin, are you human?  I guess she has taken Kamesha's class enough time to also have kick ass upper body strength.

I wish I lived closer to Kamesha's class.  I could take it every week, and then I would probably be able to perform feats of strength such as opening spaghetti sauce or moving my dog off of my spot in the bed.  Unfortunately, I do not, but I am very appreciative that I got a great workout in with Kamesha and Kristin.  Kamesha, thank you for being scary good at teaching fitness classes.  Kristin, thank you for letting me be your weak date.

Soul Cycle - Yasmeen and I ride the Wayne train (December 30, 2014)

For Christmas this year, my fabulous friend and former college roommate, Yasmeen, purchased me a Soul Cycle class.  I knew very little about Soul Cycle prior to taking this class.  I assumed that it involved cycling, and once while flipping through a grocery store tabloid, I saw a picture of Bradley Cooper leaving
Soul Cycle.  Stars, their just like us; however, this was the extent of my Soul Cycle knowledge.  Bikes + Bradley Cooper = Soul Cycle. If you would like a more accurate description, here is the website: https://www.soul-cycle.com/

Soul Cycle is located in New York, LA, and some other big cities, but it just recently made it to DC.  It is conveniently located near Yasmeen's apartment, so it was a perfect way to spend a Monday evening.  

It was not Yasmeen's first rodeo with Soul Cycle, so she took care of scheduling the class.  There were a lot of details involved in scheduling.  We would be cycling with Wayne, and his play list was going to be hard rap and R&B, and we would be on bikes #26 and #27.   I didn't realize we were assigned specific bikes, or that we could choose our class based on the song play list.  We arrived at our 8:30 class, and they asked us if we needed to rent shoes.  Your shoe rental is free for your first class (your first class is not free).  After your first class, you must rent shoes for $3.  Prior to Soul Cycle, I had never used cycling shoes.  I find the idea of being strapped to bike pedals scary, so this was an unsettling start.  As we waited for the class to start, Yasmeen started discussing the push-ups and free weights involved.  What?  I was so confused.  Bike push-ups, weights?


Wayne started wandering through the hall outside the cycle studio yelling that was time to "ride the Wayne Train."  Kudos to Wayne for an awesome slogan.  I am sure he uses that line outside of Soul Cycle. We entered the cycling room.  You may have noticed if you read other posts that I try to take pictures for this blog, but it doesn't always work out.  I learned that you cannot take pictures in Soul Cycle. Luckily, I was a few pictures deep before the picture police shut me down.  You can see the serious cycling shoes that I rented in the picture.

On an aside, Yasmeen and I aren't sure why you cannot take pictures in the Soul Cycle studio.  Rather than ask, we decided to speculate, and we concluded that it is probably the Kardashians' fault.  People probably try to take pictures of them in LA or NYC when they cycle.  You might say this is really the fault of those people who want the pictures and to invade their privacy by taking the pictures while they are just trying to cycle.  Please, don't over think it.   Our theory is complete conjecture, but when all else fails, it never hurts to blame the Kardashians. Plus,it is DC.  There are no Kardashians - just disgruntled government workers and GW students.

Soul Cycle was a one-of-a-kind experience.  The class was more like being in a dance club, and the instructor was more like a DJ.  The music was incredibly loud, and I know that makes me sound like an old person yelling at kids from my front porch, but it was just too loud; however, this is my only complaint with Soul Cycle.

Wayne previously worked as both a DJ and a kick boxing instructor.  Wayne liked to say things like "little known fact..." and fill then in the blank.  I think Wayne was playing fast and loose with the term "little known fact," but it was nice to learn more about him.  The lights are off for the bulk of the class, with the exception of some blinking lights and candles.  Certain lights would blink to the beat.  The candles, well, I suppose they were meant to support the hard-rap ambiance?

I quickly learned why we were strapped into the bike by our shoes.  We were expected to "dance" on the bikes, which consisted of rocking back and forth, both side to side and front to back, to the beat of the music. We were also expected to do bike push-ups to the rhythm of the music.  The music was too fast for me to do push-ups to the beat, but I tried my best.  A bike push-up involves doing a push-up while sitting on the bike and hinging at your waist down onto the handlebars.  If you cannot picture the move, just Google bike push-up.  There are a few YouTube videos.  Needless to say, had I not been strapped in, I absolutely would have fallen off.

The class was 45 minutes, which is about 15 minutes shorter than cycling classes that I have taken in the past, but I did not feel short-changed on the workout.   Wayne really pushed us.  He was both a great DJ and a very supportive instructor.  When he wasn't bellowing "Yeahhh," like he was Lil Jon, he was saying supportive things like, "we are all in this together," which may be a little dramatic for a exercise class, but it was very encouraging.  He also did the entire workout with the class, which I always really appreciate.  It makes me feel more engaged because the instructor seems more engaged.  It meant more to me when Wayne said we were all on one team because he was on the bike in front of me doing the same workout (well, he was probably doing a much better version of the same workout).

There were a lot of bike push-ups, but not a lot of free weight action.  The free weight portion was maybe 5-7 minutes towards the end of the class.  There was a set of two-pound free weights under each seat for easy access.  We did a lot of bicep curls and arm raises.  I probably would have preferred more free weight exercises and fewer push-ups, but that is just personal preference.  It was a fantastic abdominal workout to do the arm lifts while maintaining a sitting position and peddling.  It may not sound difficult, but it was incredibly challenging.

I would do this workout again, but probably not make it a regular activity,  The workout is pricey.  I am sure that is why Soul Cycle is located in big cities and boasts some celebrity participation.  I am already a member of a gym that offers cycling classes.  Although my class lacks Wayne, candles and strobe lights, I can survive without those unique amenities.  I would definitely take a Soul Cycle class every once in a while.  The class was a fantastic workout and a ton of fun.  It was nice to be in a class that integrated other workout elements into the basic cycling.  It made the class go by faster, and it felt like more of a full body workout.  Thank you, Yasmeen,for the amazing Christmas present.  You know me too well.

PS, speaking of Bradley Cooper, here is a picture of him peddling ice cream in Cape Town, South Africa.  I always laugh when I am in other countries and serious American celebrities are promoting mundane products (no disrespect Haagen-Dazs).  This gave me a solid giggle.

Step Sculpt - I think it is safe to say we all phoned it in (December 27, 2014)

I am a big believer that going to the gym and having a crappy workout is still better than not going to the gym at all.  It is the whole "at least I showed up" rationale.  I am particularly proud when I show up around the holidays.  By the December 27th of this year, I had spent three days eating and drinking delicious items, which makes me want to sleep much more than it makes me want to workout.

My dear friend, Ulli (she is the blond below...the blond that isn't me...I'm in the middle), and I spent Christmas and the day after Christmas together.  Ulli is German and an awesome cook.  Among other things, she made an awesome German apple cake, cheese-stuffed dates, and bread pudding.  She also introduced me to Gluhwein, which is a delicious German mulled wine.  Needless to say, after a few days filled with these treats, and some late night games with friends, I was incredibly satisfied with myself just for attending Step Sculpt.

 I arrived bright and early to Step Sculpt, beaming with pride (or from a bread pudding high) because I had made it just under the wire to accomplish my new workout for the week.  Unfortunately, my instructor did not seem nearly as impressed that I showed up. There was a lot brewing in my stomach, and my pride buzz was about to get killed.

Step Sculpt is exactly what it sounds like.  You step for the first half of class, and then you lift weights, or "sculpt," for the second half of class.  Step class, like most classes that require rhythm, is not my forte.   I do better with hitting bags or lifting things, not remembering patterns.  I am this way across the board in life.  For example, I am that bridesmaid in the wedding that is asked to lift cases of wine or set up tables at the bridal shower.  I am never assigned crafts or dainty tasks.

The instructor was not happy with the entire class.  She wasn't nasty or anything, but most instructors say things like "Great job," or "Keep it up," even when everyone is struggling with the class.  This instructor was much more honest.  She yelled super-enthusiastic things like "that is fine," and "can you please pay attention?" At one point she said,"please just watch what I am doing for 60 more seconds, and then you can go back to going through the motions."  I don't think she was speaking directly to me, but to be fair, I wasn't really paying attention to who she was talking to.  I was wandering around the step in the wrong direction while looking at everyone's sneakers.  I need to buy a new pair, and I have a bit of a thing for shoes.  I cannot help it.  There was another girl in the back row with me who was just periodically stretching and drinking water, so I think comparatively I looked extremely attentive.

I did much better during the lifting portion - back to my basic skills.  We did chest presses, push-ups, triceps dips, and lunges, among other things.

According to the internet, you can burn up to 500 calories doing Step Sculpt.  I am going to assume that I did not burn 500 due to my periodic wandering off and skipping steps, but I still burned more calories that I would have burned if I had stayed in bed sleeping and digesting Ulli's baked goods.  I am a big fan of this new craze of combination workouts.  Depending on what you choose, you may get the opportunity to go outside your comfort zone, which is step class in my case, but also do a workout that you're more comfortable with for part of the class.

Although my instructor did not understand what a personal victory it was for me to show up to class, I am still happy with myself.  You should always be happy with yourself if you exercise.  I will probably give Step Sculpt another shot, but not after a late night of Cards Against Humanity and delicious treats.

Because I have no pictures from Step Sculpt, I included this extra shot of the very weird roll of tape I noticed in my office the other day.  For the record, there is nothing about my job that would lead a person to believe they were headed for a land of sunshine.  I can only assume a hippie broke into my office and taped fortunes from fortune cookies to various office supplies.